garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
