take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
