i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
