Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
