Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
