unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
