What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
