May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
