I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
