Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
