a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
