He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
