hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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