he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
