someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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