From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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