You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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