I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize