i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
