I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
