The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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