she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize