i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
