well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
