i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
