you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
