My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the day after is always just damage control
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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