A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
