her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
