ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
