I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
