I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
