Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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