Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
