just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
