She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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