well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
