hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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