I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
