i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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