Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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