Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
