Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
