I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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