I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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