Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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