We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i was born a porn star she said
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
