I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
