I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
