Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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