Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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