I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
