Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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