my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
