she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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