My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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