you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
