i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
