is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
