Who did Billy Mays play for?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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