She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize