Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just want nice things and good sex
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
