some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
