While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
