Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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