Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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