Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Boobs are out for the taking
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize