I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
