sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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