Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
